What Chuck Does

Dude, it’s not rocket science…

I wrote the following to a coworker who is trying to lose weight. He has been doing the elyptical machine for an hour a day but seeing no results after 2 weeks. Of course he’s still stuffing his face so here’s my email to him.

People want to take the path of least resistance from Point A to Point B. Even in their efforts to lose weight, time and time again people always do things “their way” and inevitably fail when they don’t get results. Shows like “Biggest Loser” make it look like some incredible journey to shed weight when it really isn’t. It’s exercise plus nutrition plus discipline = shedding fat. That’s it. No drugs. No magic. Nothing new. It’s the tried and true formula.

But people do what they want to do, they beat the shit out of themselves at the gym, then stuff their face when they go home and wonder why they aren’t seeing results. They do the same tired routine day in and day out. The body is an incredible thing. It adapts readily. By the time you realize you’re not getting results your body has long since completely adapted to your “new” routine.

Do this. Stop exercising. Seriously, I mean it. Just STOP. You know why? Because I’ll show you how to lose weight without doing any exercise. Your new goal is to eat 1600 calories a day. Based upon your activity level, height, weight, and age you need about 1900 calories to maintain your weight. Since you’re too lazy to watch what you eat, let me make you a menu:

8am    250cals Total Cereal with 4oz milk

10am    80cals    Small banana

11am    300cals McDonald’s Egg Mcmuffin

1pm    96cals    Pear

2:30pm    450cals    6” Subway BMT on wheat, no mayo no oil

4:30pm    50cals    Small orange

6:00pm    450cals    6” Subway BMT on wheat, no mayo no oil

1676cals TOTAL

You’re looking at this menu and saying, “That’s not very much food”. No shit. It’s what skinny people eat. Oh and I don’t care if you substitute the pear for the orange or the banana for the pear. I don’t care what you like or don’t like. Go and find some calorically equivalent food. I don’t care if you eat Hot Pockets instead of the Mcmuffin as long as it’s calorically equivalent. I do care WHEN you eat though. You should be eating every 2 hours then every 1-1.5 hours. Don’t come crying to me about how you’re always hungry if you’re not eating every 2 hours. This schedule should tie you through on a daily basis without ever getting hungry.

If you’re still motivated you can do your exercise routine, but you’re guaranteed to lose weight with the menu above alone.

Now go do it. Stop making excuses for why you aren’t getting results. Reinvent yourself.